I am never able to achieve the goals that I set for myself? I cannot sustain the drive in me?

As said by Paulo Coellho, “Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” To achieve the goals we need to keep our eyes open and define our goals keeping in mind the following points:  

I. Setting Smart Goals: In today’s world we need to be smart workers more than being hard-workers. Smart workers target for SMART goals.

Examples of specific measurable time-bound goals:

·         I will speak confidently in front of my boss without anxiety in 6 months.

·         I will loss 3Kg in 2 months.

·         I will quit smoking in 2months.

·         I would sell my product to 2 new clients in one month.

II. Knowing one’s optimal arousal: When our goals are too high, unachievable or unrealistic, we soon lose our interest and stay laid back with no drive to achieve the goal. Thus the Smart goal has to be achievable and realistic.

It is also important that our Smart achievable/ realistic goals aren’t aimed too low. As Michelangelo Buonarroti said, “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” The Yerkes-Dodson curve for stress and performance indicate the importance of optimum arousal. Thus our achievable/ realistic goal should be in the range of optimum arousal i.e. achievable with optimum pressure and efforts.

III. Kick start: As Aristotle said, “Well begun is half done.” So beginning is very important. To give yourself a kick start

v  Visualise: Muhammad Ali said "The man who has no imagination has no wings." Visualise the success of the goal in detail about the changes it would bring for us and how these changes are important for us. This would give you wings to fly to your goal.

v  Buddy: "You cannot lead where you do not go." Make a buddy who has achieved similar goal with whom you share your goal and the importance of the goal for you. Buddy would help you formulate the steps to achieve the goal. The buddy will help you monitor and reinforce you to your goal.

IV. Breaking goals into Manageable steps: For instance, in order to eat bread we break them into pieces before we chew, similarly our goals need to be broken down into micro goals or smaller, bite-sized steps with all of the characteristics we’ve outlined, each of which moves us closer to our ultimate smart goal.

•         Ex: I will speak confidently in front of my boss without anxiety in 6 months

Practice speaking in front of the mirror. After speaking evaluate your performance. Praise yourself for every achievement and let you buddy know.

Now practice this same chuck with your buddy for his feedback. Practice till you feel confident.

Initiate small talks with colleagues and official friends. Followed by talks with the boss.

V. Get off your “but”: As said by Lao Tzu, ““Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” So if you have a “but” you will not achieve your goal. So analyse your thoughts and address your “buts”

VI. Step wise reinforcement: Kevin said that encouragement helps instil courage so that one can stand up and keep pressing forward. Thus it is important to appreciate oneself on the achievement of every step towards the goal.

 Obstacles are things we see when he takes our eyes off our goal. So Keep your eye on your goal and get free of you hitches till you achieve your goal and make success your habit.

Stress

Stress has become one of the most serious health issues of the 21st century and a worldwide epidemic. None of us are unaffected by stress in our daily life. Stress has an effect on a person’s physical and emotional well- being. The various indicators of distress can be classified under four categories: physical, mental, emotional and behavioural. Physically stress cause restlessness, pains & aches, uptight, high blood pressure, palpitations, muscle tensions, headaches, fatigue, disturbed sleep and change in appetite. Due to stress person mentally experiences frequent memory lapse, constant negative thinking, distortion of truth, difficulty in focusing, rigid attitude, indecisiveness and also person becomes critical of self and others. Emotionally person may become anxious, worried, nervous, fearful, moody, depressed, tearful, lonely, and experience lack of confidence and dissatisfaction. Behaviorally stressed people are seen as isolated, impatient, aggressive, uncooperative, short tempered, impulsiveness, hyperactivity with increased dependence on alcohol and drugs.

Don't be shy meeting a psychologist for your managing your stress..

Regards
Deepali Bedi

Clinical Psychologist/Psychotherapist

Sukoon Psychotherapy Center

D Block Market, Ardee City, Sec 52, Gurgaon.

Green View Appartments1, Mandi Hills, New Delhi
91-9899641407

Stress and diabetes

For human beings to survive well, struggle is inevitable. But, struggle has been always stressful. In earlier times, due to limited competition, small and very supportive communities, simple lifestyles, predefined roles and responsibilities and slow living, struggle was made easy as an individual had lots of opportunities to relax or de-stress. Now with changing times, stress has come up as a worldwide epidemic affecting every individual in their everyday life. If we have to now lead a healthy life we have to find techniques to combat stress in our daily life or we will burnout.

The indicators of stress in an individual can be classified under four categories: physical, mental, emotional and behavioural. Physically stress causes restlessness, pains & aches, uptight, high blood pressure, palpitations, muscle tensions, headaches, fatigue, disturbed sleep and change in appetite. Due to stress a person mentally experiences frequent memory lapse, constant negative thinking, distortion of truth, difficulty in focusing, rigid attitude, indecisiveness and may also become critical of self and others. Emotionally, the person may become anxious, worried, nervous, fearful, moody, depressed, tearful, lonely, and experience lack of confidence and dissatisfaction. Behaviorally stressed people are seen as isolated, impatient, aggressive, uncooperative, short-tempered, impulsive, and hyperactive with increased dependence on alcohol and drugs. To combat physical symptoms of stress, healthy diet & lifestyle and adequate exercise with ample sleep is a must. As stress not only affects physically but also mentally, emotionally and behaviourally, only the above mentioned changes wouldn’t help us completely to combat stress. We have to look deeper into psychological factors and combat them too with relaxation and other psychological interventions.

If stress is impactful on every individual now days in their daily life how can it be different for people who are diagnosed with diabetes? Stress has a huge correlation with people who have been diagnosed with diabetes. This correlation between stress and diabetes is not limited to the regular daily living stress but is much more profound. The diagnosis of diabetes brings along with it a label of lifelong illnesses and lifelong restrictions which would be caused due to a necessity to regularly manage the blood sugar level. Along with the diagnosis also comes financial pressure of medication and care giving responsibility to the family members which adds the stress for not just the patient but also for the family members.  

Stress is commonly also known to be a hyperglycaemic situation because everyday stress triggers "fight or flight" mechanism in individuals leading to a series of very dramatic bodily changes including increased blood sugar. A healthy individual can control blood sugar but in patients with diabetes managing blood sugar becomes difficult. Thus further emphasizes the importance of stress management in patients with diabetes.

To conclude it can be said that stress has been one of the most serious health issues of the 21st century and a worldwide epidemic. All of us need to combat it. For patients with diabetes the profound impact of stress needs to be addressed with proper psychological interventions by the experts.

Changing Scenario of the Females in our Society

Many of my marketing friends would agree that the cost of anything is based on its availability. A reduction of male-female ratio has changed the value of females. Having being ignored by this men-dominated society for years, now females are coming in the forefront. This change in scenario has impacted the stability of the society as a whole thereby experiencing resistance to change. This flux is waiting for a new haemostatic to be established which is healthier and protects the females in this society.

The period of flux can be more painful as it makes us more venerable to the unknown but important for a brighter tomorrow....

Is our upcoming generation becoming more and more borderline?

The Freudian Anal stage is the stage when toilet training is initiated. Usually during the second year of life, a child has its first decisive experience with the external regulation of instinctual impulses. Developing this control leads to a sense of accomplishment and independence.

According to Freud, success at this stage is dependent upon the way in which parents approach toilet training. In the upcoming generations parents’ approach is becoming more and more erratic. Both the parents are working, hence the child has to be left with maids or put in a crèche. In both the cases, the toilet training is avoided during the morning hours and the child is made to wear disposable diapers. During evenings, the mother would try to train the child but that training is inconsistent. Then again at night, because the mother has to go to work the next morning and thus would need to sleep, she again puts the child back in diapers for the night.

Borderline Personality disorder is basically an impulse control disorder. These erratic behaviour of the parents fixates the child to the anal stage with erratic expression of emotions.

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ATTACHMENT STYLES AND LOVE STYLES IN YOUNG ADULTS

 Attachment is a form of behaviour that results in a person attaining or retaining proximity to some other differentiated and preferred individual, usually conceived as stronger and/or wiser (Bowlby, 1973). Based on meaningful behavioural pattern observed by Ainsworth (1965) in her strange situation experiment; three major styles of attachment emerged: secure attachment, insecure resistant attachment, and insecure avoidant attachment. The same three attachment styles described by Ainsworth are manifested in adult variations and adult romantic love (Shaver and Hazan, 1987, 1988). The present study was designed to explore relationships between attachment styles and love styles in young adults. A sample of 60 (30 males and 30 females), unmarried individuals, from middle social economic class living in Delhi NCR were recruited. The participants were of the age group of 18 to 25 years and who reported to be in love relationship for at least six months. They were individually screened on General Health Questionnaire for accessing their psychological health. The tools applied on every individual included Semi-Structured Interview, Close Relationships Version of revised Adult Attachment Scale, and The love Scale Questionnaire.  After data analysis, it was found that.....................




The findings can be used to enhance parent-child relationship and other significant relationships, especially the marital relationship by comparing the attachment style of the couple and educating the couple about their and their partners love style.

SEX....Beep...beep...beep

It’s quite interesting in India for girls till marriage sex is seen as taboo but immediately after marriage the biggest expectation that the in-laws have is to give a chirag to the family. Along with other change in role, the sexual role of a female also immediately changes. This change at time comes as a shock to the girl who was seen as good daughter of their parents before marriage. I surely don’t here mean that every girl should involve in sexual activities before marriage but I recommend that the taboo or a ban on girls to talk about their sexuality and sexual relationship needs to be removed. CBSE policies to introduce Sex education in school have given girls a platform to know about their sexuality and understand responsible sexual relationship from an authentic source. This will help our country to address various issues like Teenage pregnancy, STDs, AIDS, etc.. It would teach the coming generation Responsible Sexual Relationships which would be emotionally and physically satisfying for the couple.